How do we find God?

One day this will be a D'var Torah

Today I had an amazing moment of self-discovery.

We were discussing in our Emek Dvar group how valuable this year can be for us to struggle with our thoughts and opinions because it is our last chance to do that before people will expect us to help them with their opinions. While discussing how valuable internal dissonance can be, I thought of a line from the Gemara (Talmud) I learned last year:

אילו ואילו דברים אלוהים חיים
These and these are the words of a living God

This is referring to a discussion between Beit Hillel and Beit Shammai where (surprise surprise) they have different opinions. The Gemara tells us that each of these opinions are correct, 'These and these are the words of a living God.'

Now how does this relate to internal dissonance?

When we are struggling internally with conflicting thoughts within us, those are the times that God is alive within us! God comes alive for us when we struggle with conflicting view points. It is within our struggle, within that dissonance, that we can find God in one way or another.

When you have an internal struggle, don't be frustrated, be happy. That is when God comes alive for you. Don't worry about finding an answer one way or another, just don't give up the struggle, because when you stop struggling, you lose God.